Paying the Price

"Ministry does me more good than harm." I can't agree more with this statement, after working hard in fcbc ever since i entered ah-pa's cell, every bit of this journey has been challenging, tough, gruelling and dying to self. So after 6 yrs of laboring, i must say God has made a much better person than what I've been, even tho I always thot i'm doing things for God or for others. Becoming a more godly person is accomplished thru dying to self for others n for God rather than serving the self. And by dying we actually gain life, just like wat jesus said,"whoever tries to save his own life loses it, but whoever loses his life for me finds it." Amen, how true.



But of course, having said that, i have to question myself: what then is life? Does it mean having more in the worldly context? Does it mean being richer, and more successful? Does it mean that I must have a bigger ministry? Seriously I feel like a piece of shiit when I discover that serving God doesn't guarantee me a girlfriend, 12 leaders, a new car, a 5-digit pay after working for like xxx no. of years for the lord. (Altho' praise the lord if i have all of these in one year). WOrse still, i may end up without any savings and lem-beh disciples and having lesser resources than before. Worse still? U mean this cannot be one of the option? Of course its not supposed to be lah. Its not smth to be focused upon. Instead, like wat ah-pa said, do i settle it with God in my heart? Have i decided that i will sacrifice anything to serve God, and will not consider what the outcome is, but trust God with all I have? Will I secure this 50% of the battle? I believe its not a question ah-pa is trying to pose to me; rather i believe this is what God wants me to answer today.



Will i serve the lord? Regardless of the price, regardless of the outcome, regardless of anything... will i serve the lord?